Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
