She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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