He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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