Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
