I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
