I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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