I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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