he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
