I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Watching her eat just hurts me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
