where does the pee come out of this thing
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
