oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
