Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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