The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
