1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
