I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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