He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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