I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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