'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
