So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
