i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
