just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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