Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
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