how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
