a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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