i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
