dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
