I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
