so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
