My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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