i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
