just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
