you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
