I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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