I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
