First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
