woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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