I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
