East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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