Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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