Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
