omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
