Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
