talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
