sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
