you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize