happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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