Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
...so i touched it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
