At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
