my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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