dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We need to rekindle our bromance
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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