i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
