I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
