the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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