the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
