Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
