marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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