I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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