ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
