So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
