kristin has been a bad kristin
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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