I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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