Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
