So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
