there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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